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I dread mathematics, and I believe it's because I have come to associate mathematics with the experience of terrible teachers. All of my math teachers have been grumpy, but one in particular was the epitome of evil. She would take any opportunity to yell and scream at me when I struggled to comprehend the problems given. She approached the kids in my class as if their struggling wasn't a result of a misunderstanding, but rather from a lack of discipline, one that she could solve by being some sort of mathematics drill sergeant. This was when I was a small child, which obviously left an impression on my mind that probably wouldn't have existed had I been older.

Now that I am older, however, I need mathematics. I also have a growing curiosity and interest for it. Right now, I am planning to move out of my parent's house and live elsewhere. However, I have a fear in the back of my mind that my understanding of mathematics is not sufficient enough to do all of this; to handle a job; to handle expenses; to handle day-to-day life. Even the idea of becoming a cashier and having to handle money frightens me into avoiding those jobs; which leaves me (having no formal education) with virtually no options for employment. It's pretty intimidating. I seem to have some problem grasping even the simplest mathematic questions. Come up to me and ask me "What's 8 + 6?" and my mind wanders for the answer as if blindfolded. I would probably resort to sticking my hands behind my back and counting it off on my fingers or counting one at a time in my head. This just doesn't seem normal.

I want to conquer my fear of mathematics and educate myself. I want to approach the field as an absolute beginner, and by that, I mean go back to the very basics and work my way up, no matter how reassured I am of my abilities at times. I know it's impossible to conquer the entire mathematic field, but I want to conquer what is necessary and then some. I need the bare minimum, though I want a sufficient understanding. Are there any approaches or, what I am specifically requesting, books or courses, that would allow me to to teach myself in such a manner?

Sorry for the history lesson and/or if this is not a legitimate question.

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    @Kirva: I find your question difficult to answer. The part of mathematics that you learn at primary school, like e.g. what is $9*8$, is quite different from actual mathematics. Unfortunately, one can say that in general mathematics as taught at schools has not much to do with mathematics. "Proper mathematics" is like art, in that it requires creativity and thinking out of the box whereas maths at school is treated like learning recipes by heart and then applying them to boring "problems". I'm sorry if this doesn't anser your question.2011-02-17
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    @Kirva: one of my favourite essays related to this is Lockhart's lament: http://www.maa.org/devlin/LockhartsLament.pdf2011-02-17
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    It sounds like your problems are more serious than just not knowing mathematics. You may have what is known as in some circles as math anxiety, and this may not be a problem you can fix on your own.2011-02-17
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    @Matt: I'm half-way through A Mathematician’s Lament, and it's pretty awesome. Thanks for sharing that.2011-02-17
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    I think it's fantastic that you've come to the conclusion that knowing a little about math actually may improve your life. However, like Qiaochu Yuan I don't think you should do this on your own. You'll learn much faster with help from other people, not just online but really going through stuff with you, checking your solutions to exercises, someone you can talk to about math, even if just to organise your thoughts...2011-02-17
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    +1 This is one of the best questions I've read on the Stack Exchange sites. It's brutally honest, well thought out, and portrays what I believe is probably a common issue with many people. Would vote up more than once if I could.2011-02-17
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    @Kirva: I think you should sue this teacher for wrecking your life. Psychological trauma inflicted by a teacher (!?) is something one should sue for.2011-02-17
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    Although this question requires a fairly subjective answer, I've offered a bounty, because I think a study/reading list would address this question very well.2011-06-27
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    Thank you for asking this question! I am touching 60 and plan to conquer my fear of Maths this year and have a tutor in mind. I will learn to be comfortable with this subject, if only to prove all those teachers wrong. Two years have passed since this question was posted - any update available?2013-04-03
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    @Kirva Your question is probably appropriate for the nearly-in-beta-SE http://area51.stackexchange.com/proposals/64216/mathematics-learning-studying-and-education. Check out the proposal and commit to it if you're interested. Then we can get it off the ground and get the site in beta!2014-03-03

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