Here is a correct answer from someone who, as far as I can tell, is not on this site, but is welcome to credit if she wants it, and welcome to anonymity if she doesn't want an overwhelming number of help requests.
I've cleaned it up a little, added some formatting, and solved the second half.
In case this is a trick question, you don't have a function anymore.
For a given value of $x$, you will have two values of $y$, so $f(x)$ is not defined.
Anyway, let's pick the negative portion of $y = -\frac{1}{x}$ and rotate the asymptote for that.
Note that the function $-\frac{1}{x} + x$ looks like what we want but rotated by 45 degrees.
If I apply a rotation transformation to the $x$ and $y$ axes (ie rotate the coordinates by 45 degrees) we should get the correct function.
Let $x = x'cos(\theta) - y'sin(\theta)$
and $y = x'sin(\theta) + y'cos(\theta)$
where $x'$ and $y'$ are our new coordinates.
Plug that stuff into $y = -1/x + x$ and solve for $y'$.
If we assume $y'$ is positive (you can also assume $y'$ is negative if you want the other possible function), we get $y' = (\sqrt(x'^2 + 4) +x')/2$.
To check our solution, as $x \to -\infty, y = 0$. As $x \to +\infty, y = x$. Yay!
It's not meant to be a trick question, and this is an accurate solution.
$y' = (\sqrt(x'^2 + 4) \pm x')/2$.
Thanks to the math cat who answered it!